Who Moved My Soap?: The CEO's Guide to Surviving Prison: The Bernie Madoff Edition

While many books are offered for the CEO who aims to survive the cutthroat competition of the corporate jungle, not a single one offers to help those same CEOs when the law catches up with them. That is, until now.

This book offers valuable advice for those executives who have cooked the books, and now find themselves paying the price. Borowitz covers all aspects of prison life, from exit strategies (prison-break tips) to ways of more >>

While many books are offered for the CEO who aims to survive the cutthroat competition of the corporate jungle, not a single one offers to help those same CEOs when the law catches up with them. That is, until now.

This book offers valuable advice for those executives who have cooked the books, and now find themselves paying the price. Borowitz covers all aspects of prison life, from exit strategies (prison-break tips) to ways of keeping the business acumen sharp (how to make the Warden your most valuable employee) to prison cell feng shui and even self-defense (how to use this book as a deadly weapon). Convicted corporate executives should look at this time spent in prison as an opportunity, rather than a disadvantage. New business contacts can be established, new management strategies tested-time can even be spent working on the golf game so it says sharp for ten, twenty, however many years.Direct from Bernie Madoff's cellmate,Who Moved My Soap? The CEO's Guide to Surviving in Prisonis loaded with helpful tips, including:

Complete Corporate-Speak/Prison Slang Glossary

How to earn $$$ making vanity license plates

Trophy wives, and how to avoid becoming one

How to avoid getting back-stabbed literally

Don't forget,Who Moved My Soap?will be both small enough to fit in the pocket of your prison uniform, but also thick enough to hollow out and hide cigarettes in!

Who Moved My Soap?is a must read for any white collar criminal. CEOs headed to the Big House will now have something to read to help them pass the time. It's also a must read for those of us who were fleeced by them.Chapter One:

Put Your Hands in the Air and Step Away from the Desk

If you're a convicted CEO who's heading to prison for the first time, let me just say this: You should be totally stoked. A trip to the slammer could be the best career move you ever made, and after a few weeks behind bars, you'll be kicking yourself for not getting convicted sooner.

Surprised? I thought you might be. You've probably bought into the conventional wisdom that a prison sentence is some kind of "punishment," a fate to be avoided at all costs. Well, you won't see me slicing that brand of baloney. If you follow the simple advice in this book, you'll discover what successful CEO convicts everywhere already know: If time is money, then hard time is hard cash.

Are you drinking the Kool-Aid yet? If not, perhaps a few facts will change your mind:

Thanks to the rising tide of corporate scandals, former CEOs are pouring into America's penitentiaries in record numbers, the biggest migration of white-collar criminals into the penal system since the fall of the Nixon administration. Within the next five years, one out of four CEOs in the United States will be convicted and sent to jail, while another one out of four will flee the country in a single-engine plane with gold coins and priceless diamonds sewn into his underpants. Still another one out of four will plea-bargain his way into performing community service, such as teaching inner city youths and the elderly how to destroy incriminating documents and create fictitious off-the-books partnerships.

But that still leaves a whole lot of CEOs heading up the river -- good news for you, because you'll be far from alone. Once you're in prison, if you look to your right, and then to your left, your chances of recognizing someone from your business school class will be better than 50 percent, and even better than that if you went to Harvard. According to a recent study, prison construction in the United States is lagging well behind the pace of CEO convictions, and by the end of the decade there will be as many as onehundred thousandCEOs behind bars -- roughly ten thousand times the number of people who are looking forward to the next Meg Ryan film << less